Scars
by writergirljenn
Summary: A one shot exploring Jax's jealous side. Following Tara's acquittal in the Pamela Toric case and Jax's affair with a prostitute, Tara leaves Charming with the boys. But will her new life and a possible new love push Jax over the edge? How far will he go to win her back?


It all happened so fast. One moment, Tara was a criminal, a suspected killer out on bail, standing before the judge, about to have her bail revoked. She was sure that was why she'd been called in for this impromptu hearing. Stupid, dried-up hooker Jax was fucking must have ratted on her. Tara smiled at the memory of the whore's nose shattering beneath her fist. The next moment, she was a free woman, being hustled out of the courtroom by her attorney, a tall man with broad shoulders and smoldering good looks. The kind of man Tara always thought she'd wind up with, if she'd ever been able to free herself from the beautiful nightmare that was Jackson Teller.

The judge's words were a blur. Something about corruption within the D.A.'s office, and Patterson's connection to Lee Toric. All of their active cases, including Tara's, were being thrown out. She quite literally got a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. And she had no intention of wasting it.

Reporters shouted questions and cameras flashed as Tara's lawyer wrapped his arm around her in an attempt to shield her as they slowly pushed their way through the courthouse lobby and out into the light of day, which was something Tara would never take for granted again.

"My car's across the street," he shouted over the bustle of the crowd. Tara nodded. She didn't know Crosby Turner well, as he'd just taken over her case, but she knew he made her feel safe, which was something she hadn't felt in a very long time.

He hurried her across the street to a parking lot full of sleek luxury sedans that could only belong to judges and lawyers. In the far corner of the parking lot was a cluster of motorcycles. Tara pretended not to see them. And she pretended not to hear Jax when he called out to her.

"Tara!" he yelled a second time, closing the gap between them as he darted across the street. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she spun around to face that man who'd caused her nothing but trouble since her return to Charming. She'd been willing to go to prison to protect him and his precious club, and he repaid her by cheating on her with a cheap prostitute.

"What?" she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. Jax was wearing a triumphant smile, which quickly faded when he saw the expression on her face.

"What a lucky fucking break, huh?" he asked, pulling her into a tight embrace as he tried to ignore the venom she was shooting in his direction. Her body was rigid as she pulled away. Jax disregarded her rejection once more. He was so oblivious sometimes. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her close. "Let's get you home," he suggested.

"No," she objected, quietly at first.

His brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"I said no," Tara repeated. "I'm not going anywhere with you, Jax. What just happened in there doesn't change the fact that you're a cheating, lying bastard who was willing to let the mother of your children spend the rest of her life in prison to save your own ass." Tara was as surprised by the hateful words she spewed as Jax was. "You…you can just fuck off. I'll be by in the morning to pick up the boys."

Without another word, Tara followed her attorney to his car and allowed him to help her into the passenger seat, while Jax stood, frozen in place by his disbelief, and watched her go.

"I'm sorry about that, Mr. Turner," Tara said, still shaking, as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Crosby," he said with a smile. "And don't worry about it. Where to?" _Where to?_ Tara was officially homeless. Tomorrow, she would panic about her living situation. But today, she would make the most of it.

"Depends," she mused. "Do you still have my husband's credit card on file for expenses?"  
Crosby chuckled. "I do."

"Then tonight," she said with a smile, "I think I'll stay at The Plaza."

* * *

Tara made a reservation at the swankiest hotel in town on the drive there. The only room they had left was the presidential suite, which she decided was perfect. She ordered herself room service and a massage, and hung up the phone with a satisfied grin on her face. Crosby didn't react, just kept his eyes on the road, but he looked amused.

"It's been a long week," she explained.

He shook his head and laughed. "No judgement here," he promised. "I can't even imagine what these past months have been like for you. And tomorrow's going to be a big day."

Tara took a deep breath. "Tomorrow," she sighed.

"You're sure you want to go ahead with things?" Crosby asked.

"Yes," she insisted. After catching Jax with the prostitute that runs his whore house, Tara knew her marriage was over. Whatever small hope she'd been holding onto that things could be salvaged was gone. So she hired a new laywer, one who had no club affiliation, and began to plan for her future without Jax. Once the Pamela Toric situation was handled, Tara was going to file for divorce and full custody of the boys. She was ready for those things in the long term. What she didn't expect was for her charges to be dropped so suddenly. She thought she had months to plan her separation from Jax. And now she had less than twenty four hours.

"Here we are," Crosby announced as he pulled up in front of The Plaza. Tara opened her door and got out. "Hey Tara?" he called after her. She turned around and crouched down so that they were eye to eye. "For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing."

"Thank you," she said, a lump in her throat.

Crosby smiled. "You're welcome. Now enjoy your night of relaxation. I'll pick you up bright and early tomorrow."

* * *

As she sipped the last bit of wine directly from the bottle, Tara couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so relaxed. Her massage was heavenly, the dessert tray she'd ordered was delectable, the robe she'd changed into when she sent her clothes to be laundered was like velvet, and the wine she'd downed like water was the perfect companion. All that was left was a long, hot bubble bath and a good night's sleep. Tara had never indulged herself in such a way, and guilt tugged at her conscience as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked as though she was walking around in someone else's life, and in a way, she was. She studied her reflection for a long moment. She hardly recognized herself anymore. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her face was wrought with tension. She allowed her robe to fall to the floor as she stood before the floor-length mirror. She ran her fingertips across the bones that stuck out at sharp angles all over her body, a result of stress and the god-awful food served in prison. She was a stranger inside her own body. She'd allowed her circumstances, the club, Jax, to take everything from her. But no more.

Slowly, she began to unwrap the bandage covering her injured hand. She wasn't due to see her surgeon for another week, but she couldn't stand to have her hand confined any longer. Her muscles ached as she opened and closed her fist and traced the jagged line of her scar. One physical scar and a million emotional ones. But she was still alive. And she was determined to save herself and her boys from the life that threatened to destroy them all, no matter what it took.

* * *

The next day was a whirlwind. Crosby picked Tara up at 8:00, although she easily could have slept until noon in her cozy hotel room bed. Waiting for her on the passenger seat of his car was a briefcase containing her new life- divorce papers, an emergency order granting her full temporary custody of the boys, and the lease agreement and keys to her temporary home.

"Did you see it?" she asked, turning the keys over in her hand as they drove toward Jax's house.

"Picked it out myself," Crosby confirmed. "It's about two hours outside of town, fully furnished, two bedrooms, very clean. The lease is month-to-month, so you're not locked into anything. It's nothing fancy, but it will do until you find a new house. The best part? It's a gated community. Nobody gets in unless you let them in." He winked at Tara as she smiled.

"Thank you so much," she said quietly. She was trying to remain positive, but her heart was breaking. What had her life come to?

She was relieved when she didn't see Jax's bike in the driveway as they pulled up to the house that had once been her home. Sheriff Roosevelt had met them at the end of the street and followed them to the house, in case things got messy. But Jax wasn't even home when they came to take his boys. Just Gemma and a couple of crow eaters. Gemma yelled, threatened, and refused to let any of them inside. Not until Roosevelt broke out the handcuffs did she cooperate. Normally, the threat of jail wouldn't deter her, but she knew Jax was in for the fight of his life to get his kids back, and he would need her in his corner, not fighting her own court case. So she sat at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette and shooting daggers at Tara with her eyes, Sheriff Roosevelt by her side, as Tara headed toward the bedrooms to collect her children and pack their bags.

Entering the bedroom she used to share with Jax was not easy. The smell of him seemed to permeate the sheets, her clothes, and the very air. Her heart was in her throat as she haphazardly threw her clothes and personal belongings into a duffel bag. On her way out of the room, she stopped to gaze at the wedding photo atop the dresser. _Some wedding_. It was non-traditional, to say the least, but it was one of her favorite memories. With shaking hands, she grabbed the picture frame and stuffed it in her bag.

She found Thomas asleep in his crib, and quietly packed his diaper bag with as much as she could fit inside it. She watched him sleep for just a moment, his peaceful breathing calming her heart, and then made her way to Abel's room. Poor, sweet Abel. He was old enough to understand that something was very wrong. Tara could see it in his tense posture as he sat on his floor, playing with toy cars. She set her bags down and tiptoed into his room.

"Hey, buddy," she whispered, not wanting to wake Thomas.

His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Mommy!" He threw himself into her arms with such force that it nearly knocked her off her feet. She breathed in the delicious scent of him as she hugged him tight. "I miss you," he confided in her.

"Oh, baby, I miss you too," Tara said with tears in her eyes. "But we're together now. In fact, we're going on an adventure. You, me, and Thomas. So I need you to hurry up and gather up some of your favorite toys while I pack your clothes, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," Abel said in that raspy little voice Tara loved so much.

With four overflowing bags weighing her down, a sleeping Thomas in her arms, and Abel by her side, Tara walked silently out of the Teller household for the last time.

She heard the roar of motorcycles in the distance as she loaded the boys into Crosby's car. Of course, Gemma had found a way to get word to Jax. Sheriff Roosevelt stepped outside and exchanged worried glances with Tara.

"You go ahead," he called out to her. "I'll handle Mr. Teller."

"Mommy, is that Daddy?" Abel asked as Tara buckled him into his car seat.

"I don't think so, baby," she lied, smiling at him through trembling lips.

As Crosby pulled away from the curb, Tara watched Jax jump from his bike and start toward the moving car, only to be stopped in his tracks by Eli, who was holding the emergency custody order in his hand. Tara couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw the look of betrayal and heartbreak on Jax's face as he read the court papers. He would fight her, she was sure of that, but in that moment he was completely broken. With slumped shoulders and tears in his eyes, he watched helplessly as his family left him behind.

Crosby placed a comforting hand over Tara's. "You're doing the right thing," he reminded her.

* * *

The condo was too white, too clean, too bright. But it was slowly starting to feel like home. Over the course of three months, Tara and boys had settled in quite nicely. She was looking for houses, but not too seriously. The boys were just getting comfortable sleeping in their own beds. She didn't want to uproot them again. Plus, she didn't want to stay near Charming long term. If she had her way, she and the boys would leave the state. Maybe go to Oregon, the way she and Jax had always talked about. But her current custody agreement wouldn't allow it. As she expected, the fight for Thomas and Abel was turning into a knock-down-drag-out. Jax filed a petition to overturn the emergency custody order, and tried to force her to return to Charming. The court allowed her to stay in her new home, but forbade her from moving any further away. And it upheld the temporary custody order, but allowed Jax visitation with stipulations. He wasn't allowed to take the boys out of state (nor was Tara, for that matter), he had to keep an open line of communication with the case worker, who was allowed to check in at any time, and Gemma was not allowed around the boys without court supervision. Tara knew she was burning every bridge between her and Charming, but she didn't care. Gemma told her once that she prided herself on being a fierce mother. That's all Tara was trying to be.

So far, Jax had only taken the boys for a few hours at a time. So as Tara packed their bags for their first full weekend with him since leaving Charming, she was understandably worried. She wanted to trust Jax. As angry as he was at her, he'd abided by all the rules so far. He'd even been more than generous when it came to splitting their assets in the divorce proceedings. Probably because he was well aware that Tara knew about every last one of his "under the table" sources of income, and if he tried to screw her, she would blow the lid right off his criminal enterprise.

She'd been living on her savings since moving out on her own, but her nest egg was getting uncomfortably small, so she'd recently started working at a free health clinic. It wasn't neonatal surgery at a prestigious specialty hospital, but it was rewarding in its own way. She'd found a lovely preschool and daycare for Abel and Thomas. Abel was learning all sorts of new things, and coming out of his shell more every day. Little Thomas was the favorite of all of the girls working in the toddler room at his daycare. With his eyes, how could he not be? It was tough, single parenthood, but Tara was proud to say that she and the boys were thriving. Living their lives free of chaos and danger and shootouts and explosions- it was quite a change of pace for them all, but it was a welcome one. Her hope was that Thomas would have no recollection of life in Charming, and that Abel's memories would fade over time.

Abel raced toward the front door as a motorcycle tore down their street.

"Daddy!" he shouted excitedly. Tara's stomach lurched. It was the first time Jax had come to her house to pick up the boys. Until now, they'd left the trading of children to neutral parties on neutral territory. "Mom, is it Daddy?" Abel asked, pulling impatiently on the door handle.

"Sounds like it," Tara replied, feigning excitement. Of course, Jax was driving a family friendly vehicle, but he'd brought reinforcements. He never traveled alone anymore, and Tara suspected it was because something was brewing between him and a rival MC. It made her that much more apprehensive about sending the boys to spend time with him, but she had no choice. And that made her think awful things. She would never wish for anything bad to happen to Jax or anyone else in the club, but she often found herself hoping that _something _would happen- something just bad enough that the court would have to recognize the boys weren't safe with Jax. Something that was enough to get her full custody and permission to move out of California.

She slung the boys' bags over her shoulder and hefted Thomas into her arms as she unlocked the door. Jax was standing on the front porch, surveying Tara's new neighborhood. She stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind her, making it clear that he was not welcome in her home. Sadness invaded her heart as she realized how long it had been since the last time the two of them were face to face. It was just as well. Jax treated her like a traitor now. He spoke to her and looked at her with such disdain, she could hardly bear it. To him, she was the woman who'd rejected him and stolen his children. But she didn't see things that way. She gave up everything for him. Because of the club he loved so much, she'd had her career ruined when her hand was injured. She would never be a surgeon again. Because of the club, she'd almost gone to prison and given up years with her children. Still, she never turned on Jax. She thought about it, but she didn't do it. And how was she repaid? By catching Jax in bed with a whore. She wasn't a rat. She was a woman who was tired of being disrespected, and a mother who wanted what was best for her children. She just wished Jax would recognize that.

"Tara," he said, offering her a curt nod as he scooped Abel up into his arms.

"Hi, Jax," she said quietly. When their eyes met, she couldn't look away. He was still in there, under all the bad and the hurt, the man she loved so much. Slowly, his expression toward her softened. But she knew it wouldn't last. Gemma would get him all riled up again soon, convinced that Tara was the enemy. She always did.

"You're growing your hair back out," he observed. "I like it."

Tara blushed. "Thanks." She held Thomas up close to her face. "I love you, sweet boy. You be good for your daddy. I'll see you in a couple of days." She kissed him on his chubby little cheek and handed him over to Jax as he set Abel down. Abel hugged Tara's waist tightly, and she bent down to kiss him atop his forehead. "You be good, too, okay?" He nodded. "Take care of your baby brother." She turned her attention back to Jax. "Abel's been coughing a bit and hasn't had much of an appetite, so keep an eye on him. He might be getting sick."

Jax ruffled Abel's hair. "Nah, he'll be alright."

"Jax," she pleaded.

He smiled. "I'll keep an eye on him," he promised. "I always do." She gave him the boys' bags, and watched quietly as they walked across the front lawn toward his chrome and steel motorcade.

"Nice neighborhood," Jax quipped. And Tara couldn't tell whether or not he was serious.

* * *

She'd forgotten how deafening silence could be. It had been so long since she'd been completely by herself. But as she laid in bed, staring at the ceiling until the wee hours of the morning, she had nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. She tried not to dwell too much on the past, and instead focus on the future, but it was hard. Seeing Jax for the first time in so long made it harder. She wished she could just stop loving him. Her life would be so much simpler.

When the sun came up, she decided to give up on trying to sleep altogether. She slipped into a pair of yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, threw her hair into a ponytail, and headed out for coffee. She would never make it through the day without caffeine.

The local coffee house was nearly empty when she arrived, which meant more quiet, the exact opposite of what she needed. She ordered a salted caramel latte and a lemon poppy seed muffin, then took a seat near the window with the book she'd been trying to read for weeks. She wasn't three pages in when she was interrupted.

"Tara?" She looked up, startled to see her lawyer in pajama pants and a long sleeved white thermal that clung to the muscles she'd never noticed before.

"Crosby. Hey."

He motioned to the empty chair at her table. "May I?"

"Of course," she said. "What are you doing here? He held up his coffee cup and smiled. "Right," Tara mused, embarrassed. "I mean here, in my neighborhood."

"You mean _our_ neighborhood," Crosby corrected her. She frowned, confused. "How'd you think I found you and the boys a place to stay so quickly? I live just on the other side of town."

"Oh, okay," Tara said. "That makes sense. I just didn't know that. I haven't seen you around."

"I'm around." He smiled.

"I see." Tara smiled back.

"Where are the boys?"

"With their dad for the weekend."

Crosby took a sip of coffee and leaned back in his chair. "Ah, right. The first weekend visitation. How are you doing with it?"

"I'm fine," Tara lied, trying to convince herself more than Crosby.

He chuckled. "Uh huh."

She let out a long, exasperated sigh. "It's hard," she admitted. "It's so _quiet_ at home. I don't know what to do with myself."

"You'll get used to it," he assured her.

"Do you have kids?" she asked, instantly ashamed of herself for being so intrusive. Crosby didn't seem to mind.

"I do," he confirmed. "My daughter Emma is eleven. Her mother and I have been divorced for five years now."

"Do you share custody, then?"

"Week on, week off," he explained. "Going an entire week without seeing her was torture at first." A knot formed in Tara's throat just thinking about it. "But you adjust. Now I kind of enjoy my 'me' time, you know? As a parent, I wasn't sure I'd ever get that again." Tara nodded, but she really didn't understand. She'd felt alone pretty much her entire life- when she was the motherless child of an alcoholic father, and again when she left Charming at 19. Only with her family- with Jax and the boys- did she find true happiness. She'd had enough "me time" to last a lifetime. "Anyway, I'm rambling," Crosby said. "The point I'm trying to get at is- you've gotta enjoy the 'me time.'" He tipped his cup toward Tara as he stood to walk away. He got halfway to the door and turned around. "Come out with me tonight," he almost whispered, as if it were a secret.

Tara's eyes widened. "What? No, I can't…"

"Sure you can," Crosby urged. "I've got this charity fundraiser thing to go to that's going to be a total snooze if I have to go alone. Come with me. Gives you a reason to dress up. We can drink expensive wine, raid the dessert table, laugh at all the pompous, self-important asses that live for these sort of things."

It did sound better than another night alone. "But isn't it inappropriate?" she asked. "I mean, you're my lawyer."

"I won't tell if you don't," Crosby said with a wink. Tara smiled. "I'll pick you up at seven."

* * *

As she stood alone by the bar in the elaborate mansion, sipping on her third glass of wine, Tara had never felt more out of her element. Crosby was making the rounds at the 'charity event,' which Tara would actually classify as more of a gala. She desperately wanted to make a break for it when nobody looking. But then she reminded herself it was "her element" that she was trying to escape. New was good. So what if it wasn't her type of crowd? What was her crowd? Killers and convicts? That had to change. The more wine she drank, the less she cared about the way the women in their designer dresses kept eyeballing her with disapproval. From across the room, Crosby caught her eye, and must have recognized the agony in her face, as he made a quick beeline toward her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sounding alarmed.

Tara forced a smile. "Nothing, I…I'm just a little uncomfortable. I don't usually do things like this."

"Lucky you," Crosby said with a grin. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the most insufferable man on the entire planet. He's always good entertainment, even if he doesn't know it." He grabbed two more glasses of wine, one for himself and one for Tara, and led her into a dimly lit room full of cigar smoke and raucous laughter. A gentleman's club. _The rich man's SAMCRO_, she thought to herself with a giggle. She took a gulp of wine as Crosby shook hands with a rotund man in an expensive looking suit, his face as red as his tie. "Tara Knowles, this is Walt Blankenship," he introduced. "Owner of Blankenship Enterprises." He said it as though it was supposed to mean something to Tara. It didn't.

"Mr. Blankenship," Tara said politely. "Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure's all mine, young lady," he said in a gruff voice, looking her up and down in a way that made her skin crawl. "Crosby, where'd you find this hot little number?" Tara blushed.

"Tara's a good friend," Crosby said graciously, offering Tara an apologetic smile.

"Aren't they all?" Mr. Blankenship lamented. "Thank you for attending my little party tonight, Miss Knowles."

"Oh, your party?" Tara was surprised. "Thank you so much for having me. Is this your house, then? It's gorgeous."

The man let out a hearty belly laugh. "My house? God, no. I could fit this entire shit hole into my foyer. I just stay here when I'm in town on business."

Tara tried to smile, but the bitter taste in her mouth wouldn't allow it. As she tried to think of something to say other than, "Fuck you, you arrogant asshole," she was interrupted by the sensation of her clutch vibrating in her hand. Her phone was ringing.

"Excuse me," she said quietly, stepping away. It was Jax. "Hello? Jax, what is it? I'm right in the middle of something."

"Yeah, sorry," he said curtly, and Tara wished that his voice didn't feel so much like home to her. "It's Abel. He's been throwin' up all night, and just started running a fever."

"Oh no," Tara gasped. She placed her hand against the wall. The room was spinning a bit. "Is he alright?"

"He'll live," Jax said. "And hey, look, I can handle it. He just keeps asking for you, so I thought maybe you'd want to talk to him."

"Yeah, of course," she agreed. She was the worst mother on the planet, out partying with millionaires while her baby was sick and needed her.

"Hi, Mommy," Abel said, his small voice weak.

"Aw, baby, I'm sorry you're sick. Is Daddy taking good care of you?"

"Yeah, but I want you. Will you come home?" The word was like a knife through her heart. _Home_.

"I can come get you and take you home with me," she offered, gently reminding him that Jax's home and her home were no longer the same thing. "Put your dad back on the phone."

"I'm sorry," Jax apologized. "You don't have to…"

"I'm coming," Tara interrupted. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Please just have him and Thomas ready to go, it's already so late."

"Sure," Jax agreed. "See you soon."

Tara found her way back to Crosby, who looked like he was being tortured by Walt's mindless drivel. She hoped he wouldn't be too upset that she was cutting their evening short.

"Everything alright?" he asked, placing his hand on the small of her back. She was sure it was just a kind gesture, but it made her uncomfortable.

"Actually, Abel's sick. I need to go get him. I'm so sorry. I can call a cab."

"Don't be ridiculous," Crosby scoffed. "Just let me go grab our jackets."

* * *

The cool evening air felt good on Tara's clammy skin, but it did nothing to help steady her dizziness. She couldn't recall how much wine she'd had, but clearly it was way too much.

"Ready to go?" Crosby asked as he pulled up in front of the entrance where she was waiting for him.

"I'm so sorry about this," she repeated as she climbed in the passenger seat. "You still have time to come back after you drop me off at home, right?"

Crosby looked at her as if she'd grown a third eye. "I'm taking you to Charming," he said, as if she should have already known that. "You're in no shape to drive."

"I can't ask you to do that," Tara argued. "I'll be fine."

"This isn't up for discussion," Crosby insisted. "Here, I grabbed you a bottle of water on my way out, and there's some Aspirin in my glove box. Just relax and sober up. I'll do the driving." Tara sighed and accepted defeat. She wanted to protest, but she knew Crosby was right. She was in no condition to drive.

* * *

She didn't even realize she'd fallen asleep until she woke up to the feeling of Crosby's hand on her arm. He shook her gently. "Tara," he said, and something about the tone in his voice told her it wasn't the first time he'd called her name to try to wake her. "We're here. Wake up." She opened her eyes and sat up quickly. Too quickly. Her head began to spin, and it took her a moment to get her bearings. They were sitting in the parking lot of the coffee house just outside of town. Tara could see the "Welcome to Charming" sign in the distance. "Thought you could use a pick-me-up," Crosby said, tapping the lid of the coffee cup sitting in the cup holder.

"I slept this whole way?" Tara asked, her voice full of sleep.

Crosby smiled. "You did indeed. Now drink up." Tara cracked her window and breathed in the night air as she took a drink from her piping hot cup. It burned her tongue, but she didn't care. She was too nervous to care. It had been too long since she'd been in Charming. And Abel was right, it was still home.

* * *

Tara's stomach flip-flopped as they pulled into Jax's driveway, and she wasn't sure if it was her nerves or the wine. Probably both. Crosby kept the car running as she quietly and carefully made her way to Jax's door, trying to come up with a plan to get the boys and get out of there without Jax seeing Crosby.

Just as she raised her hand to knock , Jax opened the door. He'd been watching from the window, no doubt. He already knew she wasn't alone.

"Wow," he breathed as he took in the sight of her. She couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her in a dress. Probably at Opie and Lyla's wedding.  
"I had a thing," she explained, waving her hand nonchalantly as if it were no big deal. "Where is he?"

"Asleep, finally," Jax said. "He's in our- he's in my bed. It's so late, why don't you just stay here for the night? I'll sleep on the couch."

"Jax, I can't do that. A friend drove me down here." She hated how guilty she felt. She had no reason to. Crosby was just a friend. More of an acquaintance, really. She was sure Jax had fucked at least a dozen crow eaters in the past few months. Still, that look on his face killed her.

"Right," he sneered. "Friend." Tara rolled her eyes and made her way to the bedroom, where Abel was fast asleep. She pressed her lips to his forehead. His skin felt hot.

"Hi, baby," she whispered. His eyes fluttered open. Barely awake, he smiled. "Let's get you home, okay?" She reached down to pick him up, but Jax stopped her.

"Let me carry him. You go get Thomas." She'd planned to take the boys out to the car one at a time, but there was really no point. Jax knew she was with Crosby, there was no reason to hide it. She nodded and left the room.

Thomas didn't even stir as she lifted him out of his crib and into her arms. She kissed him on the forehead as she strapped him into his carrier, then grabbed his bag and hurried outside. She didn't want Jax alone with Crosby.

"Here, let me help you," Crosby offered, getting out to open the car door for Tara.

"Thank you," she mouthed as he removed the bag from her shoulder and took it to the trunk. By the time she had Thomas' carrier buckled in, Jax was standing at the front of the car with Abel, staring Crosby down.

"Mr. Teller," Crosby said, all business.

Jax snarled an unintelligible warning before turning to Tara. "Take Abel, I'll go grab his booster out of the truck." Abel always felt so much heavier to Tara after holding Thomas. He raked his fingers sleepily through his mother's hair. He was just barely lucid, and would likely have no recollection of how he got home when he woke up in the morning.

"I'll take that," Crosby offered as Jax reappeared with Abel's bag and booster seat. Tara was worried Jax would murder her date right there in his driveway. He'd done worse, and for less.

"Back off, dick," Jax warned.

"Jax," Tara scolded. "I'm sorry, Crosby."

Jax chuckled and shook his head as he strapped Abel's car seat in, while Crosby stood idly by, not sure what to do. Tara felt bad for his obviously hurt feelings, but as long as they made it out of there without bloodshed, she would consider it a win. When Jax was finished, Tara buckled Abel in and closed the door.

"Thank you for calling me," she said, trying to remain civil. "I'll let you know how he's doing in the morning."

"Yeah," Jax grumbled. "You do that." As he sauntered back toward the house, Tara was torn between two emotions. Part of her wanted to run to her soon-to-be-ex-husband, throw her arms around him, and tell him that there was nothing going on between her and Crosby. The other part of her wanted to slap him across the face, call him a bastard, and allow him to continue thinking the worst about her new relationship. Instead, she did nothing. Crosby was always telling her that she had to stop letting Jax play mind games with her. And he was right.

* * *

Crosby carried Tara's things into the house as she took the boys inside one by one, both of them falling back to sleep instantly. She placed a cool washcloth on Abel's forehead and a trash can on his night stand. Hopefully he was all done vomiting, and his fever would break by morning. She was sorry he was sick, but happy to have her babies home.

When she made her way back downstairs to lock up, she was surprised to find Crosby seated on the couch. "You're still here?" she asked. "I thought for sure you'd have taken off and lost my number by now."

"Nah," Crosby said, standing up, unsure whether to stay or go. "You kiddin'? This was way more fun than that stupid gala."

"I knew it was a gala!" Tara exclaimed, proud of herself. They both laughed. "You want a glass of water or something?" she offered, only half hoping he'd accept. It was late and she was exhausted.

"No thanks. I'd better get going."

Tara walked him to the door. "I seriously can't thank you enough for tonight," she said again. "I don't know what I would have done without you. You're sort of amazing."

Crosby smiled, and began to slowly close the distance between them. Tara's heart raced, and she wasn't sure whether or not it was a good thing. When their lips met, she knew the answer. She pulled back, her head nearly hitting the door frame.

"I'm sorry," Crosby whispered. "I just thought…"  
"No," Tara interrupted. "I'm sorry. Crosby, I really like you. I'm just…I'm not ready."

"Fair enough," he said, forcing a smile. "Friends?"

Tara nodded. "Of course."

"Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?" she asked.

"When you are ready…let me know?"

"You got it," Tara agreed, although in her heart, she wasn't sure that day would ever come.

* * *

She replayed their kiss in her head a thousand times as she got ready for bed, each time more and more angry with herself. The fact that someone like Crosby Turner was interested in her defied all logic. He was the embodiment of everything she'd been telling herself she wanted and needed in her life. He was kind, funny, independent, financially stable, just an all around solid guy. Not to mention, ridiculously good looking. She'd be lucky to have him, and yet she'd turned him down. _But he's not Jax,_ the voice in her head kept reminding her. _EXACTLY_, her common sense screamed.

Tara would always love Jax. That was as true as anything she'd ever known. But she had to let him go. And she wouldn't find anyone better than Crosby to help her do that. She might have to force it at first, but in time, she could learn to be happy with him. Or someone like him.

Her heart leapt when there was a knock at the front door. Crosby was a lawyer, of course he wasn't going down without a fight. She would let him say his piece, and then she would tell him she wanted to try, and ask him not to give up on her.

She took a deep breath, a wide smile spreading across her face. That smile faded the moment she opened the door.

"Jax," she gasped. "What on earth are you doing here?" He pushed past her, into the house, scanning the room like he was looking for something. "He's not here," she said through her teeth. Tara kept her temper well controlled 99% of the time. Jax was pushing her to the 1%.

"I know," he barked. "I watched him go."

"You...what?"

Jax paced the length of the living room, his hands clenched into tight fists. "You think I was gonna let that motherfucker come here and play house with _my_ family? I was just about to kick in your front door when he came outside."

Tara's eyes widened. "Jax, you didn't…"

"I didn't touch your precious boy toy," he said. He took a seat on the edge of the couch, his tense posture relaxing just slightly. "Once he was gone, I tried to leave. But I couldn't do it. I just kept picturing Thomas asleep in his crib. I noticed last night that he snores." He smiled. "He gets that from you. And Abel…I'm worried about him and I want to be here to help you take care of him, you know? And you…I just kept seeing you in that hot little black dress and…is that new?"

Tara bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling as she sat down in the chair across from Jax. "No," she said. "I just never had anywhere to wear it, really."

"Yeah," Jax agreed quietly. "I guess that's my fault, too. I know I shouldn't be here like this, I just…I wanted to be with my family." Tears sprung to Tara's eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. "I'm sorry about Colette," Jax said, desperation in his voice. "I could give you a bunch of bullshit excuses, but the truth is, I'm fucked up in the head. Shit, look who raised me. I was hurt that you were shutting me out, and I needed…I guess I needed to felt needed. I don't know. I'm an asshole. But she means nothing to me, you have to know that. And I never, ever would have let you go to prison for the club. I was waiting to see how things played out with your case, but if it came down to it, I would have turned myself in to set you free."

"Jax, please don't do this," Tara whispered, barely holding herself together.

"Babe, I love you."

Tara shook her head, refusing to let it in. "Jax, no…" She'd come too far. She was almost free of him and Charming and the club. She couldn't go back now.

"I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to make this harder. This just all feels so wrong to me." Jax was the one crying now, but he didn't try to stop it. He'd never been one to hide his emotions, good or bad. "Doesn't this feel wrong to you? I mean…is this really what you want?"

Tara thought for a long moment about Jax's question, then answered him truthfully. "Yes," she said. "This is what I want. A life away from Charming, away from the club. A life where I can go to work without fearing that my children are going to be kidnapped or murdered while I'm away from them. A life where Abel can play in the back yard without me worrying about him getting hit by a bullet meant for you or someone else in the club. I want a safe, stable, happy life for my children. And we have that here."

"What if I said I want that too?" Jax asked.

"I'd say that's not fair," Tara said, her voice quivering. "I waited for you, Jax. I waited for so long. You promised me so many times that we would leave, together, to give our boys _this _life. And you broke your promise to me every single time. I can't allow you to destroy all the progress we've made with more broken promises."

Jax stood up and walked over to Tara, dropping to his knees in front of her. He took her hands in his. "No more broken promises," he said. "I'll do it. I'll leave the club. I'll come here to live with you and the boys. I'll get whatever kind of job you want. Shit, I'll even be Crosby the Dickhead's assistant if you want. Whatever it takes to make you happy, I'll do it."

"Why?" Tara asked, a sob stuck in her throat.

"Because I need you, Tara. You and the boys, you're everything to me. I know that now. Just please, give me one more chance."

"I'm sorry, Jax," she whispered. "It's too late." His shoulders slumped as he began to weep. She wanted to comfort him, but instead she steeled her jaw and remained strong, trying to focus on all of the awful things he had done to her over the years, rather than how much she wanted to take him back.

Once he had himself under control, he looked up at her, a fierce determination in his eyes. It frightened her a bit. He stood up, and pulled her up with him. She wanted to tell him to leave, wanted to pull free from his grasp, which was tight around her wrists. But she couldn't. She was a butterfly caught in his web, just as she'd always been. So she waited, with bated breath, to see what he would say, what he would do next.

"Okay," he finally said. "I'll go. I just want you to be happy." She pressed her lips tightly together as he kissed her on the cheek and turned to leave. She wanted him to stay so badly, but she had to let him go. She followed him to the door, much like she'd done with Crosby not an hour ago. She'd made a mistake with him. She couldn't with Jax.

"Goodbye, Jax," she said as she pushed the door closed behind him. But it caught on something just before it latched. His boot. The door swung open, and he stepped back inside. Tara retreated, but he followed her. He backed her against the wall, pinning her in place. "Jax," she whimpered.

Before she could say another word, he pressed his lips to hers, hard. She resisted at first, but his body knew hers too well. He held her face in his hands as he kissed her once, twice, three times. Each time, her resolve weakened, until their tongues tangled together and her hands were in his hair. He lifted her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist, then pressed her against the wall again. He unbuckled his belt and let his jeans fall to the floor as she pulled her night shirt, the only clothing she had on, up over her head and tossed it across the room. Jax thrust himself inside her with an urgency that took her breath away. At first it was just sex- frantic, desperate, almost angry sex. But it quickly turned into something else.

Jax carried Tara to the couch and laid her down gently. He brushed her hair away from her face and kissed every inch of her body so delicately, as if he were trying to heal the million scars he'd inflicted upon her over the years. This time, when he slid himself inside her, he did it slowly, without breaking eye contact.

"I love you, Tara," he murmured. "You are _mine_. And I am yours. Always."

"I love you, too," Tara sighed, breathless as her hips worked in rhythm with Jax's. "Promise me, Jax."

"I promise."

* * *

Eventually, they found their way to the bedroom, where they made love until their bodies were glistening with sweat and their limbs were quivering like Jell-O. Too exhausted to move, they laid side by side, staring at the ceiling, each trying to catch their breath.

"So tell me about your lawyer friend," Jax said. "Is he a good guy?"  
Tara groaned. "Jax, really?"

"No, I'm serious," he said. "I need someone we can trust to help get my affairs in order with TM and the club."

"Can't you just do that when you go back?" she asked, hating the thought. Charming was like quicksand, and she didn't want Jax getting stuck in it again.

"I'm not going back," he told her.

Tara's heart began to race. This was really happening. "Jax, you promise?"

He smiled and took her hand in his. "I promise, promise."

**THE END**


End file.
